That safe place, to the people
who run this prison, was Q-1-W-1, a Death Watch cell not 15 feet from the electric chair.
But to me it was Room 101, the worst thing in the world. Had they tried, they
could not have devised for me a more exquisite torture. It was a cell in which I
might have spent the last days of my life had not my sentence been commuted, a cell in
which I had endured two years of torment after my escape, a cell which men I had known
intimately had occupied in the last hours of their lives, a cell to which my testimony may
ultimately send Danny Rolling. My neighbors, when I have them, are men who are
living their last moments on earth, each in his own way, all taking what comfort and
support I can give them. All my years of reform school and prison, even my five
years on Death Row, have not prepared me for this. I am not a priest and I am not a
psychologist. I am a prisoner, a prisoner whose life, if it can be called that, has
become a surreal nightmare, a constant pageant of death.
So far, I've been here six months and have endured two executions with a third in the
works. I've been told I may be here from one to three years longer. I've not
been outside since I came here. I've lost most of the basic privileges that the
average prisoner here has. I've lost a year in gain time and there's no telling how
much more I will lose. Unless I have neighbors, but for the half-hour a day I see
another human being, my only companion is "Old Sparky", my life-long nemesis,
Florida's electric chair.
My life has been threatened by many prisoners for being a snitch and even by a few guards
who work here, one of whom was fired. Danny sends me taunting messages all the time,
asking how I like my new "watch" or telling me that he's going to kill me or
have me killed because I've tried to handle this the right way. I've publicly
criticized him and his girlfriend for trying to profit from what he's done. And I've tried
to see that any profits made will be used for scholarships in memory of the victims.
I have in the past done wrong but I have worked hard over the years to turn myself around.
I have the longest good record of any inmate in this prison. I've done my
best to stay out of trouble. I've had only one disciplinary report in ten years.
I have done what I've done regarding Danny because I thought it was the right thing
to do. I did not demand that the state give me anything in return, but I did expect
I would not be punished for doing this. Yet, except for the absence of the beatings,
I am being treated no differently than when I was returned here after my escape. I
expected that I would be placed in a reasonably safe place under reasonable conditions,
not conditions which are, by any standard, both cruel and unusual.
The next execution here will be in two weeks. This time the man has asked to die.
He really wants to go. His attorneys hope that, by being here, I'd be able to
talk him out of it, but it doesn't look good. At first I thought he wasn't sincere,
but he seems to be. So in two more weeks they'll again come with the handcuffs, just
like they've always done, just like they'll always do, here in Room 101.